The Fun Zone: Eric and Co

No, I did not win the Audie. It's okay. I'm working through the pain one day at a time.

Let's back up...

Friday evening was the Audies Gala at the New York Historical Society. This being my first trip to the event, I really didn't know what to expect, and as the day approached, my brain would wander into various fantasy realms.

"All sorts of big shots will be there... I could meet the guy who did the Harry Potter books!"

"Lots of famous people read these audiobooks. Lewis Black is nominated. Maybe I'll run into him sulking in the corner. I'll say something witty, and we'll be best friends forever!"

"Wow. I might win this thing. No, I won't win this. Well, I do have a chance at winning this. No way, it's not going to happen. But what if it does? Wouldn't it be grand if I got to go on stage to thunderous applause and got to thank everybody like at the Oscars? Holy crap, I need to write a speech!"

So I spent the night before jotting names down on an index card, in the unlikely event that I'd have to actually address the crowd. I would thank the judges. I would thank the folks at Audible. I would thank Stef and the Kid. I'd get the heck off the stage. Seemed like a plan.

Stef took a half day off work so I could catch an early afternoon train and meet my good friend Emily for dinner before the Gala. I felt a little silly walking around New York in my tux and coat, while everybody else was enjoying the weather in shorts and t-shirts. I was even carrying around an umbrella because I had heard that it was going to rain. Anyway...

The New York Historical Society is a beautiful place. Stained glass windows, giant paintings, marble staircases. The party was in full swing when I arrived, but I didn't spot any of those celebrities I was expecting. I did, however, run into one of the producers from Audible, who then introduced me to various other talents and producers. At some point, I was handed a finalist medal to wear around my neck. It was all very formal and a little strange. I still hadn't seen any famous people I recognized, so I just hung out with the Audible folks until it was time to head into the auditorium.

I should note that I was told at this point that last year's awards ceremony went very long, with every winner getting up to speak, so only the four biggest awards would actually get to do so this time. This should have been a bummer, but it was actually quite a relief. The most I would have to do if I won would be to stand up and wave.

So I sat down amidst Team Audible, feeling very well-liked amongst that group. Perhaps they just treat all their nominees that way, but they were all very friendly and excited for me. It was pretty neat. I still hadn't spotted any of those celebrities. I did see Barbara Rosenblat, who is a bit of a luminary in the audiobook world, a bit earlier, so I guess that counted, as well as Hilary Huber, my former teacher and fellow nominee. But where was Jim Dale?

Turns out he was all the way to my left, behind somebody's head so I couldn't see him.

Suddenly, sitting in this room no bigger than my middle school auditorium, I felt very out of place. Have you ever found yourself in a room filled with people who all seem more qualified than you? Let's say you're a butter sculptor. You've been at it a few years, and some people really seem to like your dairy-based structures. So you go to the annual Sclupt-a-thon, and you're faced with people who have been doing this for the bulk of their professional lives. Decades of work. That guy over there? He's made 400 butter sculptures. That fine young lady with 6 butter nominee medals around her neck? Those are all nominations for tonight's ceremony. Two rows up? That guy is a master of over 60 dialects of butter!

I'm losing my metaphor. You get my point. I was outclassed in every regard.

The event was hosted by Tony Roberts. He would make a comment or tell a joke, then introduce one of many very distinguished presenters, who would each read off three or four awards. A screen on stage displayed the headshots and book covers for the nominated narrators and titles. The envelope would be opened, somebody would stand up in a corner of the room, and we'd all clap. It all moved very quickly. Before I knew it, the screen lit up with the nominees for Sci-Fi/Fantasy.

I remember worrying that my headshot would look stupid next to all of these pros. It wasn't that bad.

It was time for a new presenter when my award came up, but I was such a bundle of nerves that I barely heard Tony Roberts say, "...while he has narrated several dozen audiobooks, he is best known in the role in Perfect Strangers..." That certainly got my attention, though, and I stared in disbelief as Bronson Pinchot took the stage, smiled, and proceeded to read my name off a card.

Balki Bartokomus read my name. Correctly, I might add.

As I already said, I did not win, but Jonathan Davis, the other Audible nominee in that category, did, so I could share in a little bit of the glory around me. A little bit.

Other highlights: Neil Gaiman won for both Children's Book and Audiobook of the Year, and he gave a very gracious acceptance speech. David Sedaris won for Book Performed by the Author, and gave some lovely credit to Audible, which was nice. At least one of the featured presenters could not properly say the name of the award, insisting on calling it an "Audio" several times during the night. I won't name names, though.

After it was all over, I congratulated Jonathan Davis, and he was very happy and gracious. Then we all headed out into the museum again, drank some champagne, ate some fantastic desserts (I love me some cheesecake lollipops...), and I excused myself to catch a cab to the train station. The end.

Bummed? Sure, but not because I didn't win. I'm bummed because I see the challenge presented by my colleagues in the industry, the level that I must reach before I feel like I would deserve to win one of these awards. Bummed, yes, but motivated as well. I will win an Audie some day. It may not be next year. It may not be for several years. But I love working in audiobooks, and I'm ready to put in the time to get better at it. I'm very proud of Childhood's End, but I know it's not the best I can do. I need to treat each new book as an opportunity to raise the bar, to enhance the source material rather than just repeating it. Then, just maybe, somebody else will be writing about how cool it was to see me at the Audies...